The new iPod shuffle is retarded (and so were the old ones)

I just couldn’t hold it in any longer.  I had to start a brand new blog JUST to get this (and subsequently additional grievous complaints) out of my head. In case you missed it in the title of this article I am going to restate my point:

The new iPod shuffle is retarded.


Is it smart looking?  I suppose if you don’t take usability or function into context then yes it is cool looking in the same way a piece of gum wrapped in a foil wrapper is smart looking.

But there in lies the rub.  Just because it’s a different way of doing things (no screen, no controls except on the special iPod head phones; which in my opinion is like jamming railroad spikes into your ears) doesn’t make it a better way of doing things.  What good is having 4GB of music at my disposal in an ultra small and ultra portable device if I can’t access the music I want to access.  This is similar to why the OLD shuffle was completely stupid.  Idiot proponents of the small form factor (henceforth referred to as “fanboy retards” or “fantards” for short) say things like “It’s so convenient when I work out!” or “I’m a giant fantard and anything Apple puts out is great!” or “**sounds of Steve Jobs being fellated in place of a coherent response**” And I think it’s easy to disassemble those arguments.

The only even slightly competent support for the tiny (read: useless) design of the shuffle is that it is highly portable but there are other (read: better because they don’t have to use iTunes) MP3 players that are of comparable size and storage capacity AND they even manage to fit a screen and functional controls on the outside! Here are several examples all of which are small, light, play music and have screens and controls. Here is another screenless MP3 player but it serves another purpose without making you carry extra crap around because it’s a WATCH.  Let’s see your fancy shuffle tell you what time it is, oh wait it doesn’t have a screen.  I guess I’ll have to check the clock on my phone which, by the way, ALSO PLAYS MP3S!

Basically, the shuffle is a pointless piece of technology made crappier by a ridiculous attempt to make it trendy and relevant.  Everyone reading this article probably has 3 devices in their home that plays MP3s, none of which are dedicated music players, so why would you spend $80 on something that only does ONE thing and doesn’t even do it well?

It’s worth mentioning that Joel at Boing Boing Gadgets probably agrees with me because it was his post about how companies are already producing headphones that work with the shuffle that set me off.

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